Eat Your Vegetables!
We’ve never had to remind Josh to eat his veggies. This kid loves all kinds of veggies and fruit (so much that we have to lock our fruits and veggies either in the fridge or in my office.) He doesn’t really grasp “limits,” and doesn’t understand what could happen if he sat down and ate an entire bag of apples.😵💫 Whenever we go out to eat, his vegetables are usually the first thing he eats.
Josh happily eating an apple at work.🍎
I planted my first garden this year, and only grew things that Josh and I like. Tom eats spinach salad, but that’s the extent of his vegetable consumption, so this garden is just for us. We have radishes, zucchini, cucumbers, carrots, potatoes, yellow pear tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, and one plant each of yellow, red, orange and green peppers, and about a gazillion brussels sprouts. I grew romaine lettuce and spinach too, but didn’t have the best luck with them. Josh and I love being able to pluck stuff out of the garden to snack on! We also planted apple trees right in our back yard, which may have been a mistake with his fondness of apples. Time will tell!
We’ve tried to send different things to school for Josh’s lunch, but he likes what he likes. He gets 2 uncured hot dogs cut up, a small cucumber, 3 stalks of celery, about 6 baby carrots, 2 slices of each color of pepper, a small handful of grapes, a container with blueberries, blackberries and either strawberries or raspberries, a handful of pecans, some gluten free pretzels, and some pork rinds. Every single day. When I was feeling self-conscious about always sending the exact lunch, his teacher reassured me that he enjoys his lunch and the things in there make him happy.😅
Quite a few of my parent friends of children with Autism acknowledge the difficult eating habits of their kids. We have often marveled at Josh trying something new, like celery with peanut butter, or baklava, or even shrimp! While Josh won’t eat popcorn or cold cereal, overall we’ve been fortunate that Josh has a wide range of foods he enjoys. Especially his veggies!
Perseverating
The definition of perseverating is to recur or repeat continually. The example given is someone sandpapering a table until they've sanded through the wood.
Our current example is Josh perseverating on his bedding. It starts with him bringing a set of bedding (including the pajamas that belong to that set) into his room, then bringing a different set and taking the original back out. Over and over and over. When you think he’s finally decided on a set and you make his bed and get him into his pjs, get him tucked in and say goodnight, and he’s back out of bed and stripping his bedding in two minutes- THAT’S perseverating.
It’s been a really long time since we’ve gone through this particular obsession. In his younger years, Josh would do this every night, for months on end. I would make and remake his bed multiple times each night, and that was just “life.”
I don’t have the patience for it now. I will make it once (maybe twice) and if he strips his bed again, I lock his bedroom door and he’s sleeping on the futon in the living room. That’s where he is now, and I’m waiting patiently for him to fall asleep.
I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew what was going on in his brain, so I could help him navigate and stop the confusion. You would think after 23 years we’d have a better handle on this. But that’s Autism.🤷🏼♀️
Growing Old Gracefully
Well… not exactly. But I’m working on it.
I remember when I was in my 20s, I would observe some of the ladies at church who chose to not color their hair. It was almost fascinating to me, wondering at these women who were apparently aging gracefully. I thought that would be me, right up until I started to get gray hair.
I started coloring my hair when I decided I didn’t want to “look old.” I mean, I didn’t feel old, so I should look as young as I feel, right? I held onto that idea for quite a while.
Eventually I sort of put a timeline on it. In my head, I thought I would stop coloring my hair when either 1) Leah had kids and I was a “grandma,” or 2) When I turned 50. It turns out I was ready before either of those things happened.
A couple of years ago I started to think that I wanted to simply be comfortable with who I am. This whole thing came in stages and I’m not perfect. So I stopped coloring my hair, but I started exercising because of my discomfort with my size.
I came up with a serious goal: I wanted to be in the best shape of my life when I’m 50. I started with Barre class, which I loved, but I wanted more. I added in Pop Pilates, which I also loved but I still felt like I was missing something. Then I found kickboxing and felt like I was “home.” During this whole year I was having some back issues, but trying my best to ignore it and power through. My back got worse. I was regularly going to the chiropractor and it was helpful, but I was still having issues. I finally had x-rays done, and found I have arthritis in my back.
Dude. How am I supposed to reach my goal when I can barely move, let alone do my exercise classes? My chiropractor pointed out that “50” is a long year, and I still have time to make some changes. The first change I know I need to make is to stop self-sabotaging. (There’s a whole other post in this category.) My chiropractor also gave me some exercises to do to strengthen the area of my back that has arthritis, and I went to Pop Pilates last week for the first time in a few months. It felt so good to be able to work out again!
I am totally embracing my grays. I’m still working on being comfortable with my size, and working toward simply being comfortable with who I am.
But here’s the question: did the women I admired when I was in my 20s, who appeared to be growing old gracefully, ever have any of these kinds of thoughts? Or were they actually comfortable with the way things were happening? Does growing old gracefully happen naturally for some people? I’d like to explore this more, and I’m hoping I get there.
I spent my 50th birthday weekend with Leah and Will, and they took me putt-putt golfing. That red barn over my left shoulder? I got a hole in one on that hole.🤩
Leah and I got matching tattoos for my birthday- a Lavender sprig.💟
Our Special Needs Kitty
It’s never a good day when you start off by burying one of your animals. Lacey was Jynx’s kitten that I chose to keep. Jynx had five babies on April 12th- three calicoes and two orange and white. This little monster was my absolute favorite. Lacey’s nickname was “Mini Jynx” because she looked so much like her momma.
Shoelace is her official name. Leah helped me come up with it when this kitten was constantly attacking your shoelaces. It fit her so well! She was full of mischief and curiosity, like all kittens. But there was something different about her.
We noticed and joked about the size of her forehead from the moment she was born. It was gigantic, comparatively, and it seemed misshapen. Then we started noticing differences in her eyes. She could obviously see, and seemed to look at everything in wonder, but the way her pupils dilated with the change in lights was very different from her siblings.
She wasn’t Tom’s favorite, mostly because she attacked his feet almost every night, but she got him to come around because she was just a little sweetie. She was my favorite. Many of you know that I am sort of drawn to those that need “extra,” and this was no different. I knew that she was going to need “more” and I wanted to keep her so that I could give that to her. I was looking forward to giving her all the love I had for her lifetime.
I didn’t know her life would be so short.😔
We had no idea anything was wrong. When we took the kittens to the vet for their well-check, they all seemed healthy. Last night she made a loud noise that I had never heard from her before (she had the teeniest little meow!) I actually thought it was Jack that made this noise, but he wasn’t anywhere nearby. When I heard it, I talked to her and petted her, and she responded the way she always did.
This morning I think my subconscious knew. While I was preparing Josh’s lunch, I made a mental note of which cats I had seen so far today. No Lacey, so I went looking for her. She was laying there, gone, in the first place I checked.
Completely heartbroken. The worst part was leaving her where she was, until after we could get Josh on the bus.
We prepared a place for her, and I know Tom was sad too. Such a difficult morning!
I heard a pastor say once that animals don’t go to Heaven, because they don’t have a soul. I have major issues with this! First, show me where that’s biblical. Second, I don’t believe God would allow us to make such meaningful connections with our animals, and have their death be the end of it. Third, has that pastor ever looked into the eyes of an animal he loved? No soul? I disagree.
I see her in my mind in Heaven, with that look of wonder, playing with a little white butterfly- the kind that flits here and there.
Goodbye, Lacey. I love you, and I’ll miss you until I get to see you again in Heaven!
Glad I’m Here to Tell the Story
While listening to a podcast recently, the interviewee was telling a story of a time he made a bad decision in his early teens, and could have died. I started daydreaming, remembering so many times that things could have gone really wrong.
7or 8 year old me
The one that really stands out in my mind is when I was 8 years old playing in the barn behind our house, but I’ll get to that one in a minute. I have tons of great memories from this super cool old stone farmhouse we rented back then.
I would have bb wars with my brother Chris in the house (we had hands full of bbs, and we would whip them at each other, while hiding behind furniture or ducking behind a wall.)🤷♀️
We had a record player upstairs, and I remember listening to Another One Bites the Dust over and over. *I still don’t actually know all the words to that song.
We had a yard sale once, and an elderly man was browsing through and he passed gas really loudly. Chris started cracking up, and told the guy he was remembering a cartoon he had just watched.😂 This house is where I first fell in love with the cartoon Thunder Cats, too.
We had this big barn behind the house, and the owner sold hay from it. I remember one time my dad pulled in, but he was actually there to buy hay.
We used to play in that barn All Day Long. There was a giant rope that hung from the very center, and we would swing on it to get from the higher hay bales to the lower, and vice versa. One time Chris was out there shooting bats or something with his bb gun pistol, and he wouldn’t throw the rope down to me so I could get up top… so I went and told on him. I came back out and said in a sing-song 8-year old voice, “Chriiiiis, mom wants yoooouuuu!” He turned around and shot me with his bb gun. Hit me right between the eyes. (Thank God!!) Man, if he wasn’t worried about being in trouble before- he sure was now!
But the memory that makes me catch my breath still, is how we played in those hay bales. We used to build tunnels in the hay bales, and we had a whole house made in there. The landlord’s daughter was older than us, and she would steal cigarettes from someone (dad? grandma?) and bring them to the barn to smoke with us. We would hide in the tunnels we built, and smoke cigarettes. We also used candles for light in the tunnels when we forgot the flashlight.
WHAT IN THE CRAP?!?!
I’m sure I’m not the only one who did something ridiculously foolish in our youth. At that age, we simply don’t have the life experience to understand the possible ramifications of our actions! I’m grateful all the things that COULD have happened during that time, didn’t, and I’m here to tell the story.🍀
Our Amazing Daughter
Earlier these evening we got a call from our daughter, Leah. She was very excited to share the news with Mom & Dad that she was officially offered the promotion she was hoping for. This week has been a challenging time for us as Josh has been very anxious and unsettled. Hearing Leah’s voice on the way home from work was just what I needed to hear and reminded me what a blessing it is to be a parent.
While we were camping these last few days, we did manage to enjoy some good moments with Leah, Will, Nan and Joe. We had some great camp meals and shared a lot of laughs (when we weren’t chasing Josh around).
More than a few times at the campground I caught myself looking over at my now adult daughter and wondered how the heck she grew up so fast. In a blink of eye, she’s now a happily married, adult college student/assistant store manager/awesome human.
I love watching her blossom into the young woman she has become. The perfect blend of grace and wit, sass and kindness.
Proud of you, Angel Face!
-dad
“Hey, Where’s Josh?!”
Leah helping to keep an eye on Josh while we’re setting up camp. Even now, we always have to be vigilant
What are you afraid of? Stop for a minute and think about it. Is there something that just strikes fear to the marrow of your bones when you imagine it? For me, it’s the thought of losing Josh. Like, stop-me-in-my-tracks heart-wrenching terror, and we’ve had so many experiences of exactly that.
Josh was on the go before he could even walk. He would climb things and just about give me a heart attack. After he was first diagnosed with Autism at age 2, he started a long “career” of eloping.
I don’t remember the first time he took off on us. Honestly, there have been so many times they sort of run together in my mind. Our back yard had a nice chain link fence around it, and I watched him discreetly once. He was up and over that fence in 4 seconds flat. He was only 3 years old. We spent thousands of dollars to have a 6ft. privacy fence installed, inside-out so the smooth side faced the yard. The first time he got out of the privacy fence, he dragged a garbage can to the fence and climbed over. So we got rid of the can, then somehow he dragged our giant trampoline over to the fence and climbed over! So we tied the trampoline to the climbing wall. We tied all of our lawn chairs to the back porch. Anything moveable had to be tied down or removed from the back yard.
3 year old Josh inside the chain link fence
We did everything we could think of to keep him safe. Inside the house, we had new windows installed that had safeguards on them. We turned all the locks on the doors inside out, so you needed a key to get out. We used to joke that if someone tried to break in it would be easy, but they’d never get back out.
Country living is great, and whenever he got away from us there were a few places he usually went. We would jump on the Polaris Ranger and take off looking for him. Even if he only had a 10 second head start, we’re surrounded by trees and woods and we were never sure which place to look first. I usually started at the pond next door- he loves water.
The first time I had to jump in that pond after him, he had gone in and swam to the middle. He was out there treading water, and we were calling him, trying to lure him over to us with pails and shovels and other toys to no avail. He started to get tired and said, “All done!” so I jumped in.
The second time I fished him out of the pond, it was fall and very chilly. I didn’t give him a chance to get tired of treading water- I was more worried about hypothermia. I went right in and got him, and we drove the cart back home. We got inside and out of our wet clothes, and our friend Brian was in the driveway and called me on my cell phone. He said, “I don’t want to freak you out even more, but Josh is trying to climb out the bathroom window.” That window has been screwed shut ever since.
This one time, he disappeared and we jumped on the cart again. He wasn’t at the pond. He wasn’t across the field at Shane & Sue’s old house. I couldn’t see him anywhere in the woods, and I really started to panic. I drove toward Morrice Rd. even though he had never gone that way before. There he was, sitting in the back end of a pickup truck, drinking a Mt. Dew. A volunteer firefighter had seen him on the road and stopped immediately. The firefighter was able to call off the police that were on their way. I think Josh was maybe 6 at this time.
At this point maybe you’re thinking we must be careless parents, or we don’t pay attention to our son. I suppose that’s a fair assumption if you don’t have experience with Autism, or with a child who wanders. But it isn’t only us he’s gotten away from.
Josh has eloped from school many times, but one time he really got away from them and we were all terrified. He disappeared from trained professionals who knew not to let their guard down, even though Josh hadn’t tried to elope in quite a while. They were out at the playground and suddenly the staff realized Josh wasn’t there anymore. When the principal called, I reminded her how much Josh likes water. They finally found him playing in a shallow stream about 100yds from the railroad tracks. He had gone through the fairly thick woods, over a couple of broken down barbed wire fences, across a marshy area (where he lost a shoe!) in a matter of a few minutes. When they found him, he was just playing in the water without a care in the world. He might have been 13 or so.
Every time was terrifying, but if there was a “worst time,” it’s when we went to Alaska to see family. My heart starts pounding any time I talk about this one. Josh was 4 and Leah was 2. I had been talking with my step-mom about my fears of Josh getting away from us and she did a great job of reassuring me. We prepared as much as we could- I brought a bunch of those child-proof door handle covers for all the doors, and there were at least 4 adults and six other kids there. With all of these precautions, he’d be safe. Well… somehow none of us remembered there was a door in the laundry room and of course Josh found it. So 10 of us went off searching in different directions. I don’t remember how long it took, but I heard my step-mom calling “I found him! I have him!” When she handed him to me I just held him and sobbed.
We had our first Family Vacation since that Alaska trip, about six-ish years ago, when Josh was 17. Family members graciously offered their cottage for a weekend. The next year we drove to Missouri and stayed in an old farm house. That same year, we did a “stay-cation” and spent the night in a local hotel with a pool over Christmas Break. We ate out at a restaurant on that trip! Each of these trips had some similar challenges, mostly at bedtime. From age 4 to age 17 he pretty much didn’t sleep anywhere besides home, so the days of these trips were fun and exciting, but when it was bedtime he tried to pack up to go home.
At the cottage on our first vacation since the Alaska trip, 2016
Bike ride on vacation
Josh loves the water! Lake Huron
Lake Huron, 2016. Josh is wearing a life jacket in case he takes off from us and heads to deep water, because he has no fear
On our trip to Missouri, Josh was fascinated with the vending machines. It became a tradition to stop at a rest area and get snacks
Last summer we went camping with our dear family friends, “Aunt Nanny” and “Unca Joe,” and Josh did great, even at bedtime! We have this year’s camping trip at the end of this week, and I think we’re all looking forward to it.
Camping with Leah, Will, Nan & Joe last summer. It went so well we decided to try again this year!
The truth is, vacations are hard. When Josh is with us, there’s no way to fully relax. We have to always be on guard. In my last post I talked about us making the decision that I would go north by myself. When I first had the idea to visit Dad & Jill, I thought Tom, Josh and I would go up for a night since Josh is off school. Josh has had a rough couple of weeks, since before school got out for the summer, so Tom offered that I go up by myself so I’d be able to just visit. We’re grateful when Josh is welcome places, but most often one of us will stay home with him while the other goes.
I feel like it’s important for Josh to experience things, to try and expand his comfort zone a little. On the other side of that, it creates major stress for us worrying about what he might break, or if he’s going to have an accident on someone’s couch. How do you know what the best plan is?
Quality Time
It’s Sunday night and I just returned from a trip Up North to see my Dad and Step-Mom. After a quick visit with them and being on the road for almost three hours, it’s good to see how much everyone at home missed me! The dogs went crazy, the cats acted like they didn’t even know I was gone, and Josh and Tom seemed happy and relieved (respectively.)
Jill, me, Dad 💕
Tom offered to stay home with Josh so I could have some quality time with these two people who I love so much, and I’m immensely grateful for that. For me, it’s a quick break from being “on” all the time. For many years I never realized how important that was, no matter what well-meaning people tried to tell me.
Even though I was only there for about 24 hours, this trip was a much-needed recharge. It helps that they live in the middle of nowhere. It’s quiet and peaceful, surrounded by woods and wildlife. There isn’t even cell service.
We laughed, we cried, we stayed up talking until way past my normal bedtime. I got tons of gardening tips from Jill- and boy, do I have a lot of work to do! You might not believe this but while I visiting with Jill as she watered her garden, I found five 4-leaf clovers. I took this pic, because I knew they’d never make it all the way home to my “book.” This makes numbers 13-17 for the year!
In a few days, I’ll write more in-depth about vacationing with Josh, and what went into the decision for Tom and Josh to stay home. I’ll share some real talk about the struggles we’ve had over the years.
Hope everyone has a great week!🍀
We bought a used Prius last Fall. I’m so glad we have it!
Friday Night Pizza Night
It was the summer of 2006 and my dad lay dying in a hospital room. Over the course of several weeks, we would visit him as he drifted in and out of consciousness.
It was brutally painful to watch him in his final days, but I’m glad to have been there to say goodbye. My mind flooded with memories of the good times we had together as a family when I was a kid.
Mom was Head Cook, among a million other things, because she was good at it. There were a few meals where the Old Man would take over the reins. He could make an apple pie from scratch that was legendary. The memory of him in the kitchen that sticks out the most for me was Pizza Night.
As I recall, Dad would make the crusts and Mom would help my older brother Mike and I dress it up with toppings when it was time. Sometimes we would play Euchre after chowing down the pizza. Other times we would watch some TV together.
Raising a child with Autism, you learn the true value of structure and repetition. Most days our lives feel like total chaos. Having activities that Josh can anchor to and count on is important.
I don’t really have many skills as far as cooking. I make spaghetti, tacos and handle the grill duties. My favorite is Friday Night Pizza Night.
Each week I make a couple pies, nothing fancy. I look forward to it because I almost always think of my childhood and it makes me smile.
Sarah appreciates the meal and that fact that I took over. Josh absolutely loves it.
Even if it was a tough day, and today sure was, Josh always cheers up when I start the pizza making process. He will smile and finish the sentence when we ask “hey buddy are you excited for Friday Night…”
“…Pizza Night!” he will say with pure joy.
Good times.
3-5 minutes of prep work and 13 minutes on the gas grill, lowest heat setting.
Below are the crusts we like. They are a little on the thin side, but good flavor and great texture for Gluten Free.
Hello World!
It’s funny where inspiration finds you. I had to practically drag Tom with me to an essential oils conference Spring of 2022. The content was fantastic, and Tom and I had the best conversations when we broke for lunch. On the second day, after getting an unusual full night’s sleep, the creative juices were flowing and we talked about starting a blog.
We came up with the name partly because one of my “claims to fame” is how many four leaf clovers I find, but also because we appreciate the beauty in differences. Tom and I are Special Needs parents, and with all the challenges, we find things to be grateful for every day. Sometimes Autism sucks and we have hard days and don’t get a full night’s sleep for weeks at a time. And then we see the joy on our son’s face when he’s in the pool and everything’s right again. If you’re wondering what the connection is, that’s it. Sometimes it takes real effort to see the joyful moments or things to be grateful for. You have to REALLY look. Just like finding four leaf clovers.
People often ask me how I find so many four leaf clovers. Of course I find most of them on our property, but it isn’t like we have some enchanted back yard. I find them everywhere. I try to explain that I just “see” them. Somehow my eyes pick out the difference in the patterns (and I joke that it’s my OCD.) This blog will have some of my four leaf finds and pics just to brag, but we will also share about our lives and our Autism journey and parenting in general. We’ll talk about things that have helped us, and things that definitely didn’t. We’ll discuss how I began learning about toxins in our house and how they affect us, and how we started getting rid of them (it’s an ongoing process!)
I will touch on funny things from my perspective as a wife and momma bear, and Tom will tell stories from a husband’s and dad’s point of view. Our hope is that one of our posts will resonate with you. Maybe you’re an Autism parent who reads about something we went through, and realize that you’re not alone. Or maybe you’re a parent of neurotypical children who reads about an experience we had with our daughter, and can share in the laughs or the heartache. We’re not experts by any stretch. Just a real family with stories to share. This is our life, our journey, of the last 26 years.
Sarah and Josh, watching the bus drive away after school